Communication

How do I communicate with my parents? How do I communicate without words?
Well my Mom and I have a very weird relationship. For 16 years or so there was no communication to speak of.  I used to dream of the way our conversations would go. Honey I love you so much etc.... Somewhere in all of my dreaming, it turned to a deep desire to want to know.
    One day, there she was. I reached out to her in more ways than one. I followed her around like a puppy. I tried to do the things she did, in vain...........
   Today my mother and I communicate on many different levels. We can sit down at the crack of dawn sipping on coffee till noon. Laughing about funny times spent went friends and loved ones. Coming to tears dealing with wreckage of the past. Bonding, in extremes. We fight. Screaming matches rather. I ask her things, things that cut deep but I believe I deserve an answer. I ask her what she was like all those years I was in foster care. I tell her I love her and I would have loved her no matter what. Most of all I ask her about my father.. I talk to him few and far between. I try to talk to him. Every time I call he is so drunk I can't understand him. He is bitter and very hateful, that's OK.. I love him anyway. I just don't have to deal with it, and that's OK too.
    I can look at my Mom, better Known as "The Look", and undoubtedly she will know exactly what I'm saying. We communicate without saying words all the time. When my great grandmother Lightfoot passed, may she rest in peace, everyone was so distraught. I was at a loss for words. In the pinnacle of my sorrow my grandmother approched me, she stared deep into my soul, and without uttering a word, she placed her hand on my shoulder. With that one swoop of her hand, I felt a ton of bricks being lifted off of my chest. It was as if she told me "Kellee it's OK, Mamy Lightfoot is in a better place, in fact she is looking down wondering why you are crying." Suddenly I was overwhelmed with emotion. I laughed. I cried. I felt relieved.

I believe that communication with out words is exhilarating. It is without saying the best euphoria  for me. Kinda like making love. You say nothing,"well,:)" gazing into your partners eyes, you develop butterflies. The longer you look the more in love you know you are. We are saying so many things..... Never uttering a word. I love it...

On the highest mountain top in China looking down on the great wall, a village of monks dwell. The live months, even years taking in all nature and this world have to offer. People travel from near and far to embrace the life of the monks.. Ironically very rarely do these encounters involve words. It is truly one of Gods Great Gifts...

I am a little scared

This is all new to me. I find it kinda weird. I am really self consious.
Someone, one of my peers asked me to go into depth with my writeing.
I like all kinds of different genra's of music, they only excuse I have for that is the many differant cultures and life stlyes that I was exposed to in foster care.
I learened to love Smokey Robinson and Peaches and Herb, whikle living with Frances Mydell. She was African American. We would stay up all night playing spades and listeing to Etta James. Soul hits me hard. It is as if while it's playing it is connected to me in my blood moveing through me, allowing me to feel it's every emotion. I felt as if they were singing to me, allowing me to feel their sorrow. This was great escape for me if I was dealing with others emotions then I did not have to deal with mine.
Gosphel hits my heart as well. I love to praise the lord.  Through trying times I could always turn to This little light of mine. It makes my soul smile.
A student asked me to explain myself, I'm trying. This is a little difficult for me, I didn't think that when I chose Mrs. Gross for an instructor that I would be reliveing all of this memorys. Music has played such an influence in my healing process it is unbeliveable.
I have been through alot and as I said before music is the only way I learend to cope. I am scared of this class. I can't spell and I'm a little intemidated by everyone else that does know how. I will be writeing another blog soon for this week. I will try my hardest to go into depth for you guys Ok. Well I'm late for AJ 205 gotta go Kellee

A list of Music? Where to begin?

OMG
Where to start? I took a survey. I have lots of differant music. Ranging from blues,soul,contry to rap,hip-hop and Jewel.
I have to admitt I have had a very strong tie to all kinds of music my whole life. I grew up in foster care and really had no one to turn to, therefore I turned to music. It was the one thing that was always consistant in my life. I could count on the fact that when I put in Sir Mix Alot the lyrcs to " babay got back" hadn't changed.
I love my music.
Thinking back on time I can honestly say that my genre' s didn't change the just grew.
I can remember the first time tht I listen to Janis " Me and Bobby Mgee" I felt like I was being introduced to music all over again. It was as if the doors of heaven openede and this heavenly noise fell out. LOL
I LOVE MUSIC.
I would always take chior. I loved the feeling of standing infront of the graqnd pianio. i could feel the vibrations moving through the floor coupled with the auditoy. I loved it. I felt like everyone could understand what I was going therough if I just picked the right song. It makes no sense, but it was eaiser for me.
I'm not sure you understand I love Music.

Has music influenced me?

I love music. So much that some beg me to stop. I really love to sing. Music has deafantley changed me.
When I was young dealing with som emotional turmoil, we all have that at a young age, there was nothing that peaches and herb couldn't fix. I grew listening to oldies but goodies. It is true I am an 80's baby. I give much love and respect to, Madonna, Cindy lauper, Stevie Nicks.etc.... I have to admitt that my heart is more found of blues. Music when I grew up had meaning. You could feel it before the artist even began to sing.
I have many veiws on todays music. I feel like it is sort of a rat race to who can make the most money. Before people would sing about thingsw tha had meaning. now a days we have to fight through stations to hear more than just " black and Yellow, Black and Yellow." I mean really.
Don't get me wrong I like some rap. For the most part however I feel that they just like to listen to themselevs. SORRY...
Music and my love for music has changed my veiws on the world. I believe music is a beautiful noise. I like to listen to music from other countries. I like to closer my eyes and fall in tune with the instruments, I swear some times it feels as though I can see right into their hearts.
I appreciate music more and more the older I become. I'm sure music will continue to confert me, lift me up, make me joyiuos and teach me in my life